


Now or Never

by SpoonyLupin



Category: IT (Movies - Muschietti)
Genre: Boys Kissing, Canon Compliant, Coming Out, Death, First Kiss, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Language, Love Confessions, M/M, Missing Scene, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-08
Updated: 2019-09-08
Packaged: 2020-10-12 09:07:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20561783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpoonyLupin/pseuds/SpoonyLupin
Summary: Richie knows their time together may be running precariously short, and professing your love while the rest of the Losers fought It was probably the most inappropriate thing ever.  But Richie was inappropriate by nature, so he certainly wasn’t going to let that stop him now.





	Now or Never

**Author's Note:**

> **Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by Stephen King, Chase Palmer, Cary Fukunaga and Gary Dauberman, and various publishers including, but not limited to, Viking Press, New Line Cinema, RatPac-Dune Entertainment, KatzSmith Productions, Lin Pictures, Double Dream, Rideback, Vertigo Entertainment, Warner Bros. Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.**
> 
> _Author’s note: I just got home from seeing It: Chapter Two and this came out – something I very much wanted to see in the movie. I sat in the theater, whispering, “Kiss him, kiss him, kiss him” under my breath, but alas, it was not meant to be. There may even be more coming, and I might write a fix-it fic at some point if the inspiration hits, but I hope you enjoy!_
> 
> _The title of this story is taken from the song _Now or Never_ by Josh Groban._

~~~~~~~~~~

_The tattered thought balloons above our heads,_  
_Sinking in the weight of all we need to say._  
_Whys and what ifs have since long played out,_  
_Left us short on happy endings._

_You know that there's so much more._  
_And it's no one's fault,_  
_There's no black and white,_  
_Only you and me on our final night._  
_And as the hours run away with another life,_  
_Oh, darling, can't you see it's now or never?_  
_It's now or never._

_~Now or Never_ by Josh Groban

~~~~~~~~~~

This was crazy and Richie knew it. He’d had all last night to do something and he didn’t. He’d had all day today too. All damn day while they were out searching for their artifacts and afterwards when they returned to the inn. But he didn’t do anything. All those chances and he’d squandered them. And now their time together may be running precariously short. It might very well be now or never, and Richie would be damned if he let this opportunity slip through his fingers too.

Richie could scarcely even process the fact that he had almost run away from this entire town, from this entire life without so much as a word to Eddie. He had almost walked away from this. From the one man that still managed to have such a hold over his heart, he was seriously ignoring the fight the Losers were having with It to give Eddie his undivided attention.

“You should go,” Eddie gasped out, his breathing shallow. “They need you.”

Richie glanced behind him at the Losers closing in on It, and he knew that what Eddie said was true, but he thought there was someone else who needed him even more just then. Turning back to Eddie, Richie protested, “_You_ need me.”

Eddie let out a soft breath of laughter, but then he looked like he immediately regretted it. The pain was evident in Eddie’s eyes, in the way he squeezed his eyes shut and leaned his head back against the stone wall behind him. After what seemed like forever, Eddie finally opened his eyes again. They were directed up at the ceiling as if he was praying for something.

“I think I’m a bit of a lost cause now,” Eddie replied quietly. “Even if I survived, I shudder to think what sorts of bacteria this graywater is introducing into my system. I’d come out of here with a staph infection, and listeria, and god knows what else, and I’d probably also become septic from all of that. I’d be in the hospital for ages and they’d have to pump me so full of antibiotics and painkillers that-“

Eddie was starting to ramble again, and they really didn’t have time for that. As much as Richie wished they were back at the inn with time to spare, they didn’t have that sort of luxury right now. Richie could only think of one way to shut him up and get his point across in the process.

Reaching out with both his hands, Richie firmly placed his palms against Eddie’s cheeks. He gently turned Eddie’s face towards him and leaned forward. Before Eddie’s astonishment could register on his face, Richie closed the remaining distance between them, planting his lips over Eddie’s.

Richie stayed in that position for several seconds, wanting nothing more than to stay that way forever. To completely forget everything that was going on behind him, but they simply didn’t have the time anymore. He had done nothing but try and forget about Eddie for the last twenty-seven years, and now Richie was desperately wishing to have those years back. Hell, he’d even settle for just an hour to have Eddie all to himself to explain everything that was currently going through his mind, but there was no time left.

When he pulled away, Richie paused before opening his eyes. He was dying to know what Eddie was thinking now, but at the same time, he terrified. Terrified that Eddie would be looking at him like he was completely insane. And maybe he was.

“Richie…” Eddie began, but then he stopped, apparently not knowing what more _to_ say.

Finally opening his eyes, Richie stared long and hard into Eddie’s, trying to work out what could possibly be going through the other man’s mind. Then the very smallest of smiles began to form on Eddie’s lips.

“I didn’t know you cared,” Eddie finally whispered, and Richie wondered if it was his kiss that took Eddie’s breath away or something else entirely. Was it too much to hope that it was the former? Was Richie putting way too much stock in the power of his kiss when he’d done nothing of the sort before?

Richie had gone through his entire life without so much as a kiss, without so much as even holding anyone else’s hand in _that_ way, because he’d always known there was someone else. He couldn’t quite remember who that was, but Eddie was always there, somewhere deep in the back of his mind. Of course, Richie would never let anyone else think that he was a virgin. Except maybe Eddie if they’d had the chance to share things like that.

“I love you,” was all Richie could think of to say. “I’ve loved you ever since grade school. Remember when Mr. Dauberman paired us together for that stupid history project on the Gettysburg Address in the fourth grade, and your mom had a cow because we got green paint all over her kitchen table?”

Eddie rolled his eyes, but still his smile didn't fade. “It’s nice to know that getting chewed out by my mother made you realize your feelings for me.”

“It wasn’t that,” Richie said, shaking his head. “It was when we kept brushing our hands together working on that poster board. And then I kept doing it, because I liked it.”

“And I kept calling you names for wanting to hold my hand,” Eddie said, his voice sounding far away like he was being inundated in memories. “I remember. But why didn’t you just say something?”

“Because you were teasing me over it!” Richie hissed. “Why do you think I’ve always teased the shit out of you in return? It’s because I’m stupid, and highly inappropriate, and don’t know how to express my feelings like a normal person.”

That tiny smile was still on Eddie’s lips, and it made Richie’s heart race, even more than being in It’s goddamned lair. Even more than the thought of losing Eddie entirely before this whole nightmare was over. But could Richie even call it a nightmare anymore? Because one of his wildest dreams had come true – he’d finally kissed the one and only object of his affection.

Richie only wished that Eddie would tell him what he was thinking while he still had the chance. While there was still breath left in the other man’s body.

“Nor did I, apparently,” Eddie said then, as if reading Richie’s thoughts. “All I’ve ever known was the smothering love of my mother and now my wife.”

Richie flinched slightly at the mention of Myra. “Yeah,” Richie laughed breathlessly. “Speaking of which, your wife would fucking kill me right now for kissing her husband.”

“Who cares?” Eddie asked. “She wanted to kill me for the simple fact that I even came back to Derry. For the simple fact that a phone call from Mike got me into a car accident.”

“Because that makes a lot of sense,” Richie interrupted. “You got into a little fender bender, so she wanted to kill you instead of being thankful that you weren’t hurt.” Richie paused and swallowed hard. “Like now.”

“But it’s okay,” Eddie replied. He paused, his eyes closing for several seconds. Richie was terrified, almost certain that Eddie had drawn his last breath, but then Eddie’s eyes miraculously opened again.

“Because I could die happy now,” Eddie added, his voice wavering even more than it had before.

Richie sucked in a breath, digging his teeth into his bottom lip. He still knew it was coming, knew that Eddie’s life was winding down like an old pocket watch, and he desperately wished against it. Wished for more time. Wished for the twenty-seven years back that he’d wasted. Years that he and Eddie could have had with each other. Because for some ridiculous reason, Eddie wasn’t telling him to fuck off right now.

“You mean you don’t want to punch my ugly face in?” Richie asked in astonishment.

Eddie shook his head the tiniest bit. Even his movement had now grown tiny and short. Little. Pained. Dying.

“Never,” Eddie said, his voice cracking on the word. “And I’d be lying if I said it didn’t turn up in my dreams a time or two.”

Richie did actually laugh at this, and oh god, what in the hell was he doing? The Losers were behind him, having what they hoped was a final showdown with It. Richie could only vaguely hear the battle that was currently going on, drowned out by the thundering of his own heart, the rushing of excitement in his ears, but he could hear just enough to know that shit was going down. And Richie was laughing. Eddie was dying in front of him, taking his last breaths, and Richie was laughing.

Richie swallowed hard and said, “But you didn’t remember me. Didn’t remember this.”

“But try as I might,” Eddie slurred, “I couldn’t get your ugly ass face out of my head. It’s one of those things that just sits there and festers, like a fungus.” Eddie almost sounded drunk now, and he might very well be delirious. Who knew?

Richie took a moment to glance over Eddie’s features, over his eyes, his fluttering eyelashes, and his quivering lips. Even though Richie now knew that it would be the very last time he would speak to Eddie, he wanted to commit everything about the other man to memory. Richie wanted to remember the moment when he had come out of the closest, had exposed the dirtiest of deepest, darkest secrets, and hadn’t been met with hatred, with scorn and derision like he thought he would. He forever wanted to remember the look of bliss on Eddie’s face. Because Richie wouldn’t believe that it was simply the effects of death coming to claim Eddie. He wouldn’t. Richie knew it was something else entirely, and that’s what he would believe for the rest of his days. Even if he lived to be a hundred and held Eddie locked away in his mind as the one true love as his life.

Taking Eddie’s cheeks in his hands one last time, Richie smoothed his thumbs over his skin, over the bandage over Eddie’s left cheek. “And you love it,” Richie told him knowingly.

Eddie closed his eyes, groaning in pain as he reached up his right hand to place it over Richie’s. The hand that once upon a time had had a cast on it that that bitch Greta from the pharmacy had scrawled “LOSER” over. But what the hell? They were Losers through and through. And Richie would forever consider Eddie the biggest loss of his life. He knew that now.

“I love _you_,” Eddie whispered, pausing stiltedly between each word. “Don’t ever forget that.” When Eddie opened his eyes again, they were unfocused, swiveling unnaturally around in their sockets. “But you need to go and help them.”

Richie clenched his teeth and contained the urge to scream. He and Eddie had so much more to talk about, but they would never get the chance. They had just confessed their love to each other, and the world should be full of possibilities for them, but it was being yanked away just as quickly as it had come. It wasn’t fair. But then again, Richie had no one but himself to blame. He’d done nothing but waste time and try his very hardest to hide this part of himself from everyone, including himself.

“Eddie-“

“Go,” Eddie cut him off. “Before I decide to kill you too.”

Richie leaned forward once again, kissing Eddie for the final time, taking solace in the fact that it was something that Eddie wanted just as much. That it was something Eddie wouldn’t hate and judge him for. That it was something that Eddie felt just as much as he did.

“I’ll be back,” Richie said when he broke the kiss. “I promise.”

Richie wouldn’t let Eddie think for one moment that he would leave him alone here to die. Maybe, just maybe, Eddie would be able to hang on for just a little bit longer until they finished what needed to be done and got him the hell out of here. Even though Richie knew that was nothing but a pipe dream.

God damn it. Why were they all such Losers?

Richie started to stand up, pulling his hands away from Eddie’s face and feeling Eddie’s own hand fall away from his. Richie turned and didn’t look back, too afraid of what he would see if he did.

Behind him, Eddie closed his eyes for the final time, a ghost of a smile still present on his face.

_The end_


End file.
